Today I was brave and hung out with my trainer (a missionary that has been out for at least 6 weeks, sometimes shorter, that shows a new missionary how to transitions into missionary life and work).
It doesn't seem too scary but I look up to this woman so much. She was a rockstar in my mission. Everyone knew who she was, trained most of her mission, and opened up 3 new areas in a row.
Intimidating? Yes. Not to mention I was nervous because I wanted to show her that the awkward/timid missionary she trained wasn't really me. I don' know how well that went because I'm still in what people call "the awkward phase" of trying to socialize again (What do people talk about when not talking to anyone and everyone about the gospel of Jesus Christ? Or what you studied that morning during personal study? Or what you're going to teach a family that night?). Not that I was ever really good at small talk anyway.
But we had fun. We went to the temple, which was a huge blessing, as always. It was full of little blessings.
After that and dinner we went and had some fun with some other missionaries from the mission. I had never really talked to them, they were serving in Boston when I was in Connecticut, but we had fun. Carpenter had had a really hard couple of days so she and Hansen had gone to DI and picked out a lot of glass objects, and a bat.
The 4 of us hoped in a car, drove to a local pavilion, put down sheets to catch the glass, and started to swing. There is something really therapeutic about hitting something with a baseball bat and hearing it shatter. And don't worry we cleaned up all the bits and pieces.
We then headed over to Lawter's (another mission buddy who I never really talked to) and enjoyed his dance party. Mostly. I felt super awkward trying to dance, so our group mostly hung to the wall. Except for Caldwell, she kept trying to get us to dance. I would try but just felt so strange and like I would be so judged. Oh well. Still had fun.
It doesn't seem too scary but I look up to this woman so much. She was a rockstar in my mission. Everyone knew who she was, trained most of her mission, and opened up 3 new areas in a row.
Intimidating? Yes. Not to mention I was nervous because I wanted to show her that the awkward/timid missionary she trained wasn't really me. I don' know how well that went because I'm still in what people call "the awkward phase" of trying to socialize again (What do people talk about when not talking to anyone and everyone about the gospel of Jesus Christ? Or what you studied that morning during personal study? Or what you're going to teach a family that night?). Not that I was ever really good at small talk anyway.
But we had fun. We went to the temple, which was a huge blessing, as always. It was full of little blessings.
After that and dinner we went and had some fun with some other missionaries from the mission. I had never really talked to them, they were serving in Boston when I was in Connecticut, but we had fun. Carpenter had had a really hard couple of days so she and Hansen had gone to DI and picked out a lot of glass objects, and a bat.
The 4 of us hoped in a car, drove to a local pavilion, put down sheets to catch the glass, and started to swing. There is something really therapeutic about hitting something with a baseball bat and hearing it shatter. And don't worry we cleaned up all the bits and pieces.
We then headed over to Lawter's (another mission buddy who I never really talked to) and enjoyed his dance party. Mostly. I felt super awkward trying to dance, so our group mostly hung to the wall. Except for Caldwell, she kept trying to get us to dance. I would try but just felt so strange and like I would be so judged. Oh well. Still had fun.
Sometimes it's hard to shift gears. And sometimes it's hard to be comfortable in our own skin. There's always someone who can dance better, or is more outgoing, or better at small talk, or seems to have a better handle on things than I do. I try to focus on just trying stuff, and realize that my Heavenly Father let me have my own unique background for a reason.
ReplyDeleteAt YW camp, I felt bad because other leaders were doing more, until I realized that I was the one who could sit and observe and listen. Now I'm in grad school and it's hard not to feel inadequate, especially in a particular class, compared to many of the younger students. I have to stop comparing myself and use my own strengths.
I guess I kind of focused there because it sounds kind of like you are feeling unsure of yourself, unless I'm reading your post all wrong. Your Heavenly Father made and loves you just the way you are. You have your own special strengths and character traits, like responsibility (cleaning up all the glass), empathy, (hitting the glass with her in the first place), spiritual strength (appreciation of the temple), courage, (Today I was Brave) and sense of fun (your title) and that's just what I can identify from one post.
Love, Aunt Lynn